Why Don’t You Give Me Some Love?

Give Me Some Love – James Blunt

Me and my guitar play my way
It makes them frown
The little pieces by the highway
Bring me down

Mine is not a heart of a stone
I am only skin and bone
Those little pieces are little pieces of my own

Why don’t you give me some love
I’ve taken a shipload of drugs
I’m so tired of never fixing the pain
Valium said to me
I’ll take you seriously
And we’ll come back
As someone else
Who’s better than yourself

Many faces at the doorway
All hang around
Watch me fight in the hallway
But make no sound
So standing all alone
And I’m only skin and bone
So many faces but they all look out for their own

Why don’t you give me some love

I’ve taken a shipload of drugs
I’m so tired of never fixing the pain
Valium said to me
I’ll take you seriously
And we’ll come back as someone else
Who’s better than yourself

Why don’t you give me some love
I’ve taken shipload of drugs
I’m so tired of never fixing the pain
Valium said to me
I’ll take you seriously
And we’ll come back as someone else
Who’s better than yourself today

And someday
Soon they’ll drop the bomb
Let it all out
Someday!
I know that someday
Soon we’ll all be gone!
So let it all out!
Let it all out today!

And give me some love
Yeah give me some love
Come give me some love, today…

******************************************************************************************************

This song definitely speaks to me, hell, this song could have been written for me.
“Why don’t you give me some love, I’ve taken a shipload of drugs. I’m so tired of never fixing the pain.”
Really, nothing helps.  I’m beginning to think that I’m one of those people, one of those “depressed people”.  The ones who can never truly be happy.  I’ve tried just about everything. 
And yes, I can hear you muttering under your breath: “Well, if she knows she’s depressed, why doesn’t she just take some anti-depressants?”  And I’ll tell you why: because I have tried them already, and guess what? They don’t work either.  My doc and I played around with dosages and he kept a close watch on me. No matter the dosage, no matter the type, it never quite worked for me. 
I’m worried it might be self-sabotage.  Is it possible that I truly don’t want to be happy?  Isn’t it human nature to want to be happy?

I’m fucked up. Seriously. So why don’t you give me some love?

Smile

When you first left me
I was wanting more
But you were f**king that girl next door
What’cha do that for?
(What’cha do that for?)
When you first left me I didn’t know what to say
Never been on my own that way
Just sat by myself all dayI was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends,
I found the light in the tunnel at the end
And now you’re calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
It’s only because you’re feeling aloneAt first when I see you cry
Yeah, it makes me smile
Yeah, it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Whenever you see me
You say that you want me back
And I tell you it don’t mean jack (it don’t mean jack)
No it don’t mean jack (no it don’t mean jack)
I couldn’t stop laughing
No I just couldn’t help myself
I See you messed up my mental health
I was quite unwell

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends,
I found the light in the tunnel at the end
And now you’re calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
It’s only because you’re feeling alone

At first when I see you cry
Yeah, it makes me smile
Yeah, it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala etc.

At first when I see you cry
Yeah, it makes me smile
Yeah, it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

At first when I see you cry
Yeah, it makes me smile
Yeah, it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while
But then I just smile
I go ahead and smile

********************************************************************

This song does just that…it makes me smile.
Call me sadistic but I love when she pays people to kick his ass. Hmm, his fault for fucking the girl next door haha.

Apologize

 I’m holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I’m hearin what you say but I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around, and say…

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it’s nothin new
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it’s turning blue, and you say…
“Sorry” like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid…

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

Bridge (guitar/piano)

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
It’s too late to apologize, yeah
I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah-
I’m holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground…

*******************************************************************************

This song not only hurts me to the very essence of my being but makes me smile, makes me hope, makes me remember.

I can apply this song to so many people I know, so many I have known.

Just goes to show, don’t let something go, unless you know you’re willing to lose it forever.

This is me.

I’m less then perfect.

I make mistakes.

When you say hurtful things, I take them to heart, even if I play them off.

When I hear a song I like, I sing along. When I hear a catchy tune, I want to dance.

When I tell you I care, I mean it. If I’ve ever told you I loved you, I meant it. At the time, anyways.

I’ve had my heart broken. I’m jaded.

I live in a way that maybe I shouldn’t.

I miss friends I have lost over the years. Whether it’s through distance, or stupid mistakes. Or maybe just growing apart.

I think about everything before I go to sleep. Which may explain my inability to fall asleep right away no matter how tired I am.

The cologne a guy at work wears reminds me of someone I shouldn’t be thinking fondly of.

When I get sad, I write. When I’m happy, I write. When I don’t know what to do with myself, I write.

If I sign a letter or a note, or a wall comment with xo., it means I care. It means that I need you in my life to make it complete.

I’m terrified of what’s to come but I can’t wait to find out how it will all go.

If I make eye contact with someone, I stare at them until they look away.

I say stupid things to make people feel more comfortable. Or awkward.

I feel stupid when I cry. Even if I’m alone.

I want to be told I’m good, I want people to be proud of me. I like the recognition even if I pretend it’s embarrassing.

I’m simple. But I’m also more complicated then anyone can understand.

I wish I could tell the people close to me when they hurt me. I want them to figure it out. I hope they know me well enough to know when they are breaking my heart. But I can’t just come out and tell them.

I know my place. I just don’t like it.

What tears can tell.

When you come to the realization that I have in the past few minutes, you will feel better.

It comes as a moment of Nirvana, it washes over your body, and into your soul. It clears your thoughts, and washes away your pain, even if only momentarily.

I’m going to share this with you, I am going to share what took me 21 some odd years to discover and to really let sink in: Weakness is universal.

You may not realize it, but those who you thought were so strong, those you thought had perfect lives, those who you thought never wondered “why me”, those who you assumed had everything going their way cry, hurt, plead, pray for the morning to never come, and yes, make mistakes.

We’re all just human. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure out, it seems so obvious now.

Over the course of the weekend, this became clear to me in many ways. The form this weakness may come in is completely different for everyone. It may come in the form of a single tear, it may come in the form of hours of locking oneself in a room to hide from the world, it may come in the form of a sweet stolen moment that never should have been, a slip of the truth or a maybe even a lie.

In all technicality, I suppose I should have known all this. We are really all the same, in some ways, different in others but as human beings, as living creatures, as inquisitive soulful beings, we live and die the same.
We love, we break, we laugh, we cry, we smile, we yell out in anger, we cry out in ecstasy, we feel the same pain.

All this to say, that I am so happy, even nearly euphoric, to say: You are not alone. No matter how much you may think you are, and how much you think others won’t understand. Talk. Listen. Share. There are people who have been where you are, and many who still are.

You’re never wrong for wanting to stop feeling and you are never crazy for wanting to feel something, anything.

Look around. You’d be amazed by how many people are there for you. 

I call it learnin’

Body 21 – Morningwood

My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless,
my memory is M.I.A.
Livin’ overdrive to the point of excess,
wake up in the evening use the night as day
Stopped lookin’ for the people that are gonna save me
You can still try
Living like a woman since I was a baby,
and everyone I know has told me a lie

My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless
(they wanna dumb you down)
Livin’ overdrive to the point of excess
(if your future is now you better make it last)

First it was my legs,
now my heart is open,
all of it was D.I.Y.
I still wanna play but I’m sick of the gropin’,
and if were gonna meet I’ll look in you in the eye
I might of made mistakes but I call it learnin’,
you can call it what you will
If I had a candle and it was burnin’,
it would be from one end that’s enough of a thrill

My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless
(they wanna dumb you down)
They’re telling everyone that their gonna save us
(your future is now you can forget the past)
My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless
(livin’ overdrive)
Livin’ overdrive to the point of excess
(if your future is now you better make it last)

They’re tellin’ all of us that we’re gonna make it,
but they don’t tell us how
Even when I’m living I feel like I fake it
all the rules I been taught I’m gonna disavow

My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless
(they wanna dumb you down)
They’re telling everyone that their gonna save us
(your future is now you can forget the past)
My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless
(livin’ overdrive)
Livin’ overdrive to the point of excess
(if your future is now you better make it last)
My body’s 21 but my mind is ageless

*******************************************************

So this song pretty much describes me, right now.  I turned 21 in January and ever since then my world has been turned upside-down, then right side up and then shaken around just to confuse the fuck out of me. Well, it worked.
I can’t tell up from down, right from left, right from wrong, appropriate from completely out there, safe from life endangering, reality from fantasy. It’s all meshed together in one big fucking blur. The only thing that remains the same, the only constant in my life, the only thing keeping me from just falling, are my friends. My dear friends. I love them. More then my words can express…and I like to think I’m good with words. Go figure.
I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t actually remember the better part of most days. And I like it that way.
I’ve been given speeches lately, and I do value the essential message in them but I need to do things my way.(I know it’s done in love, guys, but stop. Please)

Life is a learning experience. Learning requires mistakes. Hell, I must be learning a LOT lately. Just let me learn on my own.

I’m living on an edge, and I’m not sure what’s beyond it. But I’m sure I’ll find out soon. Who’s coming along for the ride?

The Sharpest Lives are the Deadliest to Lead

Sharpest Lives – My Chemical Romance

Well it rains and it pours
When you’re out on your own
If I crash on the couch
Can I sleep in my clothes?
‘Cause I’ve spent the night dancing
I’m drunk, I suppose
If it looks like I’m laughing
I’m really just asking to leave

This alone, you’re in time for the show
You’re the one that I need
I’m the one that you loathe
You can watch me corrode like a beast and repose
‘Cause I love all the poison
Away with the boys in the band

I’ve really been on a bender and it shows
So why don’t you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember
And you can take all the pain away from me
A kiss and I will surrender
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead
A light to burn all the empires
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be
In love with all of these vampires
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me

There’s a place in the dark where the animals go

You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow
Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

I’ve really been on a bender and it shows
So why don’t you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember
And you can take all the pain away from me
A kiss and I will surrender
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead
A light to burn all the empires
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be
In love with all of these vampires
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me

Oh!

Give me a shot to remember
And you can take all the pain away from me
A kiss and I will surrender
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead
A light to burn all the empires
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be
In love with all of these vampires
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me

Oooooo, Oooooo, Oooooo yeah, Oooooo

Deadly Kiss

I try to tell myself it’s easy to get through
But the things I see in me when I look at you 
Are nothing like I ever planned
And it’s too hard to understand.

I try to find some familiarity, here
Some comfort, praying for something to be sincere
All I ever find is deceit
And deliciously fresh defeat.

There’s no point in protesting this glorious end
I’ve given up fighting and started to pretend
That it can’t be better then this
And there’s light in my grave abyss.

The taste of your lips and godly feel of your skin
Help me to quell this impossible fear within
Don’t know how you keep managing
To make this hell a wondrous thing.

And now, boy, thank you for killing me quietly
I love every minute of it, secretly
Don’t stop, please, don’t ever end this
This toxic, oh so deadly kiss.

Gabrielle Boisvert. April 29, 2007.

Alibis

Alibis – Marianas Trench 

From the scrapes and bruises
To the familiar abuses
I’ll kick and scream but it never changed anythingI could spill my guts out
Wearing my best little girl pout
And I almost missed it
But nobody said that this was gonna be easy

This is not the man[girl] I hoped to be
And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding
I don’t know how to word it
I just started to deserve it
And all my, all my faces are alibis
And me, I’m half the man[girl] I wanted to be

Most times it all comes out wrong
I don’t know the words but I’ll hum along
There’s nothing famillar here anymore
to anyone or anything left to feel alive

And I still taste that sickness
And it makes me crazy without it at best
But I’m in the same place I used to be
But I’m trying harder not to be

This is not the man[girl] I hoped to be
And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding
I don’t know how to word it
I just started to deserve it
And all my, all my faces are alibis
And me, I’m half the man[girl] I wanted to be

So what am I? What am I? So What Am I?

And all my, all my faces are Alibis
This is not the man[girl] I hoped to be
And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding
I don’t know how the words go
I just started not to say no

Don’t want it, Don’t get it
I know you won’t regret it
Don’t surface, Don’t surface
And I feel so damned worthless
Another day is gone and all my faces are alibis
all my faces are alibies

and me, I’m half the man[girl] I wanted to be

It seems this song covers about everything I’ve been feeling lately. Life throws you curve balls and what really matters is how you deal with them, I suppose.  Lately, it seems though that I haven’t been dealing with them very well.

Well, tomorrow is a new day. Bring it.

Please don’t tell her(him)

Please don’t tell her – Jason Mraz

I hear she’s kickin’ ass across the board and rock two
hundred thousand higher scorer
Just in time to save the world of being taken over.
She’s a warrior
I couldn’t play again because the game it never ended. it never even landed on the can
And never let me in to spend my quarter.
There’s no love for me no more.

Say it isn’t so
How she easily come, how she easy go
Please don’t tell her that I miss her.
Because I don’t.

She was the girl with the broadest shoulders
But she would die before I crawled over them.
She is taller than I am.
She knew I wouldn’t mind the view there
Or the altitude with a mouth full of air
She let me down and doubt came out until the now became later.

Say that it isn’t so
How she easily come, how she easy go
Please don’t tell her that i’ve been meaning to miss her
because i don’t. not for her. it’s not that i meant to
forgive. forget what i said.

That I’m crazy like the rest of us
And I’m crazier when I’m next to her.

So why after the all of everything that came and went
I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras.
I told you I don’t but
I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure
The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
That’s easier said
Easier than done
Please don’t dare tell her what I’ve become
Please don’t mention all the attention I have drawn
Please don’t bother cause she’ll feel guilty when I’m gone

Because I’m crazy like the rest of us
And I’m crazier when I’m next to her
And it’s amazing how she’s so self-assured
And I know she’d hate me if she knew my words
Do I hurt anymore
Do I hurt, well
I don’t
I don’t
I don’t