Well it’s been a while, hasn’t it?
I guess I’ll get back into the blogging groove by recounting my weekend.
This weekend, I travelled from my home in North Bay to Timmins, mostly because my friend was having a surprise bridal shower on Saturday but also, because I miss my friends. A lot.
We drove up Friday and ended up leaving later then we intended, which means we only got into town around 11pm. At which time, we then proceeded to fill ourselves with drive-thru goodness because we hadn’t really made any stops on the way up.
When I got home, I realized, oh my, all of my clothes, my son’s clothes and our bags smell of beer. In a big way. My friend Kay(who was driving) had accidentally broken a bottle of beer in the trunk of the car the day before and the smell managed to infiltrate everything I owned.(Not to mention that we could smell it in the car…bad news if we had gotten stopped, but luckily we didn’t)
I had to do laundry the minute I walked in…and this time I hadn’t really brought laundry with me…All my clothes were clean…They just smelled of beer.
By the time I was home, it was too late to really call anyone to go out, so I decided to have a quiet night in and catch up with my mom. After she had gone to bed, I stayed up a little later, to finish my laundry. I then tried to go to bed, but couldn’t sleep. When 4 a.m. rolled around, I thought I would watch some TV and would probably fall asleep in front of it. When 8a.m rolled around, and everyone was getting up, I realized that I thought wrong.
I had so many plans for Saturday, that I knew I wouldn’t get the chance for a nap, so I made some coffee and proceeded to drink the entire pot.
I helped my mom out with a “yard sale” she was having, which was actually being held in the basement. The door to the basement is immediately to the right of our door and there was a giant sign on the door stating that, however, I stayed upstairs to make sure that no one went wandering around the rest of the house, and yes, people tried. Someone even attempted to try on my shoes. No! Those are mine. Sale is downstairs. Some people’s gene pools require a lot of chlorine.
After the sale, I rushed around the mall to pick up a last minute gift for my friend’s wedding shower and try to get ready before it started at 7. I got harassed by the handcream guy but luckily I looked as busy as I was and he didn’t push any further when I told him I was running late. After the mall, I shoved half of a sandwich in my face, wrapped the gift, showered, shaved and changed outfits 3 times. It was too hot for pants, but to my dismay, my legs were covered in bruises. I decided I didn’t care and threw on a skirt anyways.
The wind was terrible and my legs got whipped with gravel…not to mention the other exposed skin.
I got to the shower later then I was expected to be there, but I was still early enough not to ruin the surprise.
When the person going to pick up the bride-to-be showed up and told us she was going to get her, and we would have approximately 15 minutes, I took advantage of that fact and went out for a cigarette. While I was standing outside with a friend, a dog came running towards us, and proceeded to stick his nose up my skirt (not the only beast that evening who would try to get up my skirt). I then informed the dog that it was cute, but I didn’t know it well enough and had only had one drink. Haha. The dog stuck around for a while and entertained us chasing leaves and garbage blowing in the wind. In the midst of telling the dog it was cute and that I wanted to take it home, it stopped threw up and kept jumping around. It sounded a lot like this: “Aw, you are so cute, puppy. I want to take you ho-uh, never mind.”
So we head back inside the bar to wait for the bride-to-be. By this point I had already started drinking because the shower was held in a rentable pool hall. By 8:30, I was a little more then drunk.
During games, we played bingo and had styrofoam stars and moons as pieces to mark our squares. Jessie(bride to be) and I monopolized the stars. At some point I had voiced that I was going to the bar after the shower and would stick the stars in my bra and use them as confetti at the bar. My friend Jen(who was also feeling might good), said it would be great if I screamed “BINGO” while I did this, and me being me, I also decided that since they were in my bar anyways, I might as well flash people while I did it.
I was then told I should have a test run. My friend’s mother, flagged down a male waiter who was coming from the stock room to head back downstairs and informed me I should test it on him. Reluctanlty, I ran my first breast bingo…and many…MANY pictures were taken. The waiter told me it was effective but I should try it again, to perfect it. So I did. And we have some amazing action shots of the whole thing.
At one point I had gone to the bathroom and the second I pulled my underwear down, a styrofoam moon fell to the ground. So I came out asking people why there were moons in my underwear, only to reliaze it must have fallen out of my shirt.
After the festivities, we took some sultry photos on the pool table, and headed to the bar. But not before I stuffed some stars in my pocket.
At the bar, I must have had a flashing sign over my head that screamed “EASY” because so many people tried to pick me up. One in particular, followed me around the dance club like a puppy dog.
Apparently while I was away from Timmins, a memo had gone out to all the horny bastards that a specific line should be used to pick up girls. Every guy who tried to pick me up each said word for word “you are a very attractive woman.” It’s nice to hear, but by the third guy, I began to say “I know” and walk away.
After the bar, my friends and I headed to Subway for some post-bar food. I stayed outside to finish a cigarette and was immediately targeted by another guy. Sitting on the front steps of Subway, he sat beside me and proceeded to hit on me, again, using the same line. This guy wouldn’t leave, so I humoured him. He had me turn around for him and then looked at me, and used a very Borat “Very nice”(which I has actually heard several times that night). I then decided to go inside to my friend’s before he requested some “sexy time”. After Subway the guy outside tried to drag me into a cab (which he stole from my friend) to go party with his friend. I enlisted his friend to get him into the cab and off of me. He then instructed the cab driver to stop on the highway to yell out his window at me that I should get into the cab. He kept insisting, so at that point, I yelled at him: “Sorry if I lead you on honey, but I’m a lesbian”, but that didn’t get through to him apparently so I leaned into the cab and told him: “I like pussy. You don’t have what I want, and you have something that I really don’t want.” The cab driver thoroughly enjoyed this and laughed, giving me the thumbs up, when I told him to drive away.
A friend and I then decided to go to an after party, but stop at another house before to pick up another friend. At this house, the friend was passed out and we found out that the person throwing the after party failed to go home.
After this, my friend decided to go home, and I decided to go see the boy I’m seeing who was drinking with a friend.
Arriving at this house at about 4:30a.m, I find him as drunk as I am, jumping around screaming death metal. The trouble here, is that the friend he was hanging out with, and I hooked up a while back and things were mildly awkward, but not too bad.
We walked to a nearby corner store to get smokes, and the boy I’m seeing bought the Aviator, so we popped it into the DVD player and started to watch it. My boy, then came to snuggle with me on the couch and fell asleep on top of me.
While he was sleeping on me, his friend decided it would be a good idea to proposition me. I kindly declined.
The friend had to work at 9 a.m, so he left and just instructed us to lock up. I knew that if I fell asleep, I wouldn’t wake, so I stayed awake and finished the movie.
At about 10:30, I called for a ride, and struggled to wake up the drunk boy who was sleeping on me.
I went home, got ready, packed, and headed to a BBQ a friend that I hadn’t seen since I left in September, was having. At this point, it was my third day without sleep.
I had a plastic lei in my purse that was so mangled it was now only a plastic purple string. My friend Ray, who had given it to me the night before, then placed it in my hair, and I announced that I felt like a princess. I then became princess of the rock I was sitting on. Shouting out “I am Princess of this rock, and all you in my kingdom below shall bow down before me!” We then hung the string from the tree and I fashioned into a subpar noose, jokingly.
At this point, I was so sleep deprived that I was mentally unstable. Which I was ok with.
I had a visit with my friends and went home to finsih packing because our estimated time of departure was at 6pm. When 7 rolled around, I was told it would be at 8. We ended up leaving close to 9.
I didn’t sleep in the car ride home. When I got home, at about 2a.m., with my son and my boy, I found a dead hornet and proceed to freak out, because I am allergic to their stings in a big way. I actually fell asleep that night and then became unwakeable the next morning. (today)
I found about 5 more dead hornets. I don’t know how they are getting in, but they seem to get in and die, which is quite fine with me. Better them then me.
I haven’t found anymore yet, and I’m hoping it was only a very few that got in, and no more are coming.
On other notes:
I realize my last post was about me quitting smoking. Well that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t have it in me yet, and I have far too much stress to stop right now.
I still have yet to find a job. It seems the job market here is terrible, or I have somehow, with all my credentials, become unhireable. It saddens me, and stresses me out that much more.
Also, I have it bad for a boy…for the boy…the boy in the post, and in previous posts. But we’re quite happily taking it slow.
