Can I really tell the story? This is one of those “you had to be there” things.
And I am so happy I was. This is one of the best nights I’ve had in weeks.
I will try to recount the tales of our drunken adventure, however, my memory may be slightly lacking or blurred.
The night begins at exactly 7p.m.
7 p.m:
Jayjay and I had decided that we were going to start predrinking at that time. But of course, the girl that I am, I was only ready by 6:55. So I decided to go out and have a cigarette and then call Jayjay after my nicotizing myself. The minute I stepped outside a car pulls up and starts honking at me. It was Jayjay and Kelsey. I was then told we were leaving. Now. Um, ok?
After stopping for some necessary provisions we go off to Jayjay’s place. This basement made me want to cry. In every good way possible. Seriously. A drum kit, an electric guitar, a bass, a keyboard, an Xbox 360, a chalkboard, a punching thing and a bed. And a tambourine. What more could one really want?
I quickly picked up the electric guit and proved that I had no idea what I was doing. Just like Kelsey proved that she can’t play the drums.
I was then presented with a flower vase for drinking. Really, that thing had to be a fucking flower vase….
That little extra flavor zing is just plant food. No big.
Steph showed up and became our groupie.
Well I quickly barrelled through 3/4 of a bottle of green sourpuss and a little bit of Mountain Dew.
It then became quite apparent that I have become an easy drunk. I was gone when normally that amount would have just resulted in a buzz.
I professed my love for Jay after he played some Nirvana for me. Haha.
The topic of conversation turned to sex as it always does. And well, you had to be there. But I will say this: I don’t know how many times I yelled “I don’t want to see your penis!!”
8:30 p.m (I think):
Jay’s mom was nice enough to drive 4 drunks to the strip club. When I asked Jay if he had Lithium by Nirvana, his mother thought I was asking for actual Lithium. her response to this : “not on me”. AHAHA! i love this woman.
At the Maytag(as we affectionately call it), we were met up by Catherine.
We went inside and were quite disappointed that there were no boobs. Really, it’s a Saturday night and no one is naked? DAMMIT LADIES GET TO WORK!
Anyways, after a few drinks and a little more drunkeness, Micheal showed up. We attacked him.
We then went on to insist that Jay jump on stage and lay down with a 20 in his pants. He went to the VIP lounge for an unforgettable lapdance instead…hahah. Eh, Jayjay? (note that unforgettable does not necessarily denote good…in any way)
9:45 p.m. ( or around there):
We leave the Maytag and take a taxi van. Quite exciting if you ask me. We actually have a video of some of it.(I’ll post it later hopefully.)
We get out at the Gall. As soon as we step outside the van, I reach into my pocket for a cigarette and realize, that yes, I lost my cellphone. Well I must have lost it in the van. I turn around and the van is gone.
So we tried calling my phone and no one answered at first, so we called the cab company. Told them where we had come from and gone to, and that it was a van, and found out that yes they had my phone.
Though he would only bring it to me on his next call. Lovely.
So I stood outside freezing, insisting that the others go inside, and that I could wait alone.
Well, apparently the cabbie decided to answer my phone the whole time he had it. Which means about 4 or 5 calls. Lovely. Luckily, he was nice.
So after getting my cellphone back, I went inside and played the best pool game of my life. Kelsey and Jay were a team, and Steph and I were a team. I sank pretty much all of our balls, and Kelsey resorted to “inconspicuously” slipping balls into the pockets when we “weren’t looking”. It still resulted in them having 3 balls left on the table while we had nothing but the 8 ball. Well guess what? I scratched. Go me. Boooo.
11p.m.:
Leaving the Gall we found a Lexus in the parking garage. We went on to rape that vehicle, just like we had raped a Mercedes earlier in the night.
Micheal and I went a different way and were picked up by Trisha near the Brick, where Micheal and I played Vanna White. Or Bob’s Beauties. Man I love the Price is Right. Ok….to continue.
We went to The Vic, which was finally reopened after some legal crap, and there was a live band playing. We decided that after paying 5.50 for a shot…each…and many drinks at the Maytag, we didn’t want to pay a 5$ cover to see a band for like half an hour, who didn’t actually sound that good from the outside.
So to Gibby’s we go!!!
I bought a round of shots. And by then we were all tanked. But we still drank. Because we’re fucking troopers, okay?
We took a picture with the infamous Gibby, which I have to print a copy for so that she can post it on her wall. How cool are we?
12:15 p.m.:
It’s time for Amigos. Oh, Amigos how we love you.
I love us. Really. All of us dirty dance with each other like it’s nothing. No one is ever ditched or left out. It’s awesome.
And now all this dancing called for a few more drinks, of course.
At one point, I wrapped my arm around Jayjay’s neck, looking like I was going to dance with him and slyly dropped a nice big chunk of ice down his shirt. Cool down, boy. Haha.
I made Steph promise to act like my boyfriend should a creepy latin greaser who was lurking around came anywhere near me.
There were so many people we knew there, it was amazing. There was also frequent exchange/stealing of hats going on. That’s what Aaron and Andre get for wearing such awesome hats.
I was also grabbed by some chick who put one hand on each of my cheeks squished my face and pulled me in close and squealed “EVERYONE’S HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRE”. Um, who are you?
It was a friend of mine’s birthday, so when I saw her, I wished her a happy birthday and then went on to wish everyone with her a happy birthday too. I think they figured out I was drunk after that one.
At the end of the night, Trisha and I ended up outside before everyone else, because we were the only ones who didn’t check our coats….
After about 15 minutes of waiting and freezing, I called and insisted that come out NOW, so we could go get chinese food.
Jayjay in a drunken stupor started talking to everyone he even sort of knew. So I was forced to drag him by the waist of his pants away. All the while muttering under my breath that my hands were so cold that I could easily stick them down a boy’s pants and cause so much shrinkage, he would turn into a girl for a week.
Well we were met up by Micheal, once again at The Brick, where Jay tried to pee. And eventually after about 10 minutes finally found out how to whip it out, and peed on The Brick door. I told him to use the drop box slot but that would have involved too much coordination I suppose.
So Trisha, Jay, Mike and I all head to the London cafe for Chinese food. We sat down, had some water, realized that half of us couldn’t read the menu and that it was getting to late for those who had to work in the morning and left without ordering. Woo.
That would be the tale of our amazing shitshow. I vote we make this a weekly event.
