Religion 101

So I may not know a lot about religion, but I do know more than a lot of people.

I have taken course after course, and read book after book. I’ve researched and spent sleepless nights wondering, calculating, analyzing.

There are some things that I do know for facts and it’s that those in a particular religion, those who are truly dedicated, will refute anything you tell them, they will refute whatever you may tell them that could possibly falsify their beliefs. I understand this. I really do.

I was raised as a Roman Catholic and I truly believed.  I was a good little Christian, I went to church every week, prayed in the morning, at meals, and before bed and more importantly, I kept my questions to myself.

As I got older, religion seemed questionable to me. I began to ask questions, and in doing so, alienated a great many people.  I learned to keep my questions to myself again.  But eventually, you begin to realize, you aren’t the only one who doubts that faith they were raised with. 

I began doubting my faith at a young age, though I still wanted to believe.  When you are a child and you’re told that you are being protected my some ominous great power, that you are being watched over, you feel safe.  When you begin to doubt your faith, it’s like going out on the ocean during a storm on a rickety canoe with no life jacket.
I wanted to believe, I wanted to be proved wrong. I wanted all my theories to go to shit, and to have some powerful bright hand come down on me and tell me to believe and tell me that “He” was there and that I was not alone. That never happened.
Around 15, I began to stop hoping. And at 17, I stopped believing completely.
This is why:

At 15, I began to discover that I was not alone, and I found the safety that had been lacking in my life with people who encouraged my free thought, who really listened to my religious theories.  They even started to believe what I believed! I didn’t want to be the founder of some new religion but it was nice to see that there was some validity in what I was thinking.
It was like that for quite some time.
At 17, my father went into the hospital. This was nothing new, because he’d been sick for a long time and would have sporadic spurts in the hospital. This, was however the last time, and he would never come home.
When my mother came home and told me he was unresponsive, I screamed, and cried and threw the most childish fit you’ve ever seen. And then, I prayed. I didn’t stop, I prayed. I begged god to let me keep my daddy or to at the very least let me say goodbye.  That didn’t happen.  I didn’t get to say goodbye to my daddy, I didn’t get to tell him that I loved him and that I was sorry for the times I treated him so miserably. And I was. I was so sorry.
The day I had to say goodbye to my father’s cold body was the day I stopped believing almost completely.
When he was in the funeral home, I retreated into the chapel by myself. I sat there, in the back of the dark empty chapel, and had a one-sided argument with the cross at the front. Begged for some answers. Cried, even screamed, and I got nothing.
I no longer believe in this Christian god.

I’m not bashing those who believe. I understand why you believe, and I’m not trying to convert you.  I’m just giving my reasoning.

The sudden onset of wanting to write this post was because i spent the better part of an hour Facebook creeping a religious group.  The pictures that were posted were very anti-religious, adn the comments on them were terrible.  There’s a vindictive onslaught of arguments and hatred.

I understand the validity in ALL religions. I have studied and in fact based my belief system upon many religions.

Is it so hard to live and let live? Is it so hard to let others believe what they may in peace, and have your own belief system?

I have no problem with other religions, as long as no one tries to convert me to them. 

I just wish everyone could get along.  I may not believe what you do, but at least I respect the fact that to you, it’s everything.  It would be nice if others could do the same.